I loved Annie so much more than I knew at the time we were battling this problem. 

My feelings were of anger. I now realize I was very depressed and anger was a cover. 

The issues that alcoholism create destroy everything. It destroyed our relationship, at least on the surface, the day to life we used to have. My stupid assessment was ' We no longer love each other'. Annie was 100% right when she said that is not true. I could not see the wood for the trees. I don't have any excuses now but I was so concerned for the girls and our future I did not look at the present. 

I did try to address the issue but was too weak when faced with resistance and lies and my underlying concerns. I should have kept going whatever the cost. But Annie was proud, strong and pushed back hard.

Death is too late. Don't think you will get through this. We did not.

During the struggles with alcoholism I cried so much in frustration and sadness about the difficulties we were having. I kept it to myself. Alcohol messed up everything. I should have just dealt harder with the issue. Dealt with what's in front of me. 

I have now lost growing old with the girl I met on the first day of university, the girl I loved. Our daughters went through their teens without a mother. Annie missed their greatest years. Those are costs that are very hard for me to bear for the rest of my life.  

Annie loved the girls more than her life and that was probably the problem. But that's a long story. 

Alcohol is a killer. Beat it.